BREAD BLOG - BLOG FOR BAKING BREAD: HONEY WHEAT BREAD

CHEERS AND JEERS ASSHOLES, BREAD BLOG IS BACK AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN TAKE A LONG WALK OFF A SHORT PIER (A DAD JOKE CLASSIC), OR SEND ME AN EMAIL AT BLOG4BREAD@GMAIL.COM IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS OR IDEAS THAT YOU WANT ME TO TAKE CREDIT FOR.

ENOUGH SMALL TALK, LETS GET DOWN TO BRASS TACKS.THIS WEEK I DECIDED TO TACKLE MAKING HONEY WHEAT BREAD. JAMES BEARD'S BOOK DIDN'T HAVE ANY GOOD IDEAS FOR A RECIPE, AND I COULDN'T CALL OR WRITE HIM SINCE HE HAS BEEN DEAD FOR 24 YEARS, SO I HAD TO WING THIS ONE. IT WASN'T TOO HARD TO DO SINCE I'M A GOD DAMN GENIUS. I JUST TOOK A NORMAL BREAD RECIPE AND SUBSTITUTED WHEAT FLOUR FOR WHITE FLOUR, AND HONEY INSTEAD OF SUGAR, I ALSO ADDED SOME 10 GRAIN HOT CERAL MIX TO MAKE IT MORE HEALTHY. I SWEAR TO FUCKING JESUS, IF YOU ATE THIS BREAD EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK, YOU'D BE MORE REGULAR THEN JAMIE LEE CURTIS AFTER SHE'S DONE AN ACTIVIA YOGURT COMMERCIAL.

PICTURES

I USE RED STAR YEAST. ALL PROCEEDS GO TO BUY AK47S FOR LEFTIST GUERRILLAS IN SOUTH AMERICAN NATIONS

THIS IS WHAT ALL THE CRAP LOOKS LIKE STIRRED UP

THIS IS WHAT ALL THE CRAP LOOKS LIKE AFTER KNEADING AND ONE HOUR OF RISING TIME. WHEN THE BREAD IS RISING I SUGGEST LOGGING ON TO TEAM FORTRESS 2 AND BACKSTABBING SOME N00BS

AFTER IT RISES YOU GOTTA PUNCH IT DOWN, KNEAD IT, THEN LET IT RISE AGAIN LIKE JESUS CHRIST. WHEN IT IS RISING, PUT THE BREAD IN A WARM DARK PLACE THAT WON'T BE DISTURBED. MY SUGGESTION: UP YOUR MOTHER'S ASS

FUCK YEA, TURNED OUT KINDA FLAT, NEXT TIME I'LL USE MORE YEAST AND GIVE IT MORE RISING TIME

NO GIRLS AROUND THIS WEEK, YOU'LL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR A 5 INCH STATUE OF A VIDEO GAME CHARACTER WITH HUGE CARTOONISH BREASTS

RESULT:PAR FOR THE COURSE

NEXT WEEK:RYE BREAD BONUS TIME: BREAD BLOG HATE MAIL

MY FIRST HATE MESSAGE COMES FROM 'VENOM_DIPPER' FROM THE TEAM_VENOM FORUMS. VENOM_DIPPER WRITES:

"first of all, if you like to make bread there's nothing wrong with that. second of all, i decided to read a bread blog, and after getting through all the swearing and the typing in all caps it sounded like a frat douchebag wrote it. were you wearing a pink polo while typing this? i mean if that's what you're trying to make it sound like, then whatever, i get it. if you're not joking while typing your bread blogs, then i think a gay fish song needs to be made about you. however, i do like how there is a bottle of liquor in almost every picture "

THANKS FOR THE MESSAGE VENOM_DIPPER. I WAS THINKING ABOUT PUTTING SOUTH PARK REFERENCES IN THE BREAD BLOG SO YOU MIGHT LIKE IT MORE, BUT THEN I REMEMBERED YOU ARE RETARDED. I SUGGEST THAT YOU GO DOWN TO THAT TACO BELL YOU LIKE SO MUCH, AND EAT CRUNCH WRAP SUPREMES UNTIL YOUR HEART EXPLODES.